Chapter 34: A Sleepless Destiny

He took a deep breath, struggling to calm the turmoil within and suppress every rising emotion. Rising slowly, he made his way toward Pei Yi’s room, silently praying that he might find a solution to the problem at hand.

Usually, Pei Yi would have long been fast asleep by this hour, but tonight, unexpectedly, he was still awake.

The room was bathed in soft light, illuminating Pei Yi’s slightly bewildered little face.

"Pei Yi." Pei Qizhou’s voice was low and gentle. He softly called his son's name, then slowly sat down on the edge of the bed.

His gaze was filled with tenderness as he tried to read something in his son’s expression.

"Daddy." Pei Yi replied in his young, sweet voice, his large eyes blinking as he stared at Pei Qizhou, as if seeking some form of comfort.

Pei Qizhou gazed into his son’s clear, innocent eyes, and a wave of indescribable, complex emotions surged within him. He knew well that although Pei Yi was still young, the recent upheaval in their family had, to some extent, cast a shadow over his young heart.

Taking a deep breath and striving to keep his tone peaceful and gentle, Pei Qizhou asked softly, "Pei Yi, Mommy hasn't been feeling well lately. Have you thought about going to see her?"

Hearing this, a flicker of hesitation instantly crossed Pei Yi’s small face. He lowered his head, his tiny fingers twisting together involuntarily, as if he were struggling deeply within himself.

After a long silence, he slowly looked up and answered firmly, "I don't want to."

Pei Yi himself was not entirely sure what he felt toward his mother, Yao Shan. He only knew that, at this very moment, his heart told him he did not want to see her. This complex emotion left even Pei Yi feeling somewhat confused and helpless.

When Pei Qizhou heard his son’s response, a pang of sorrow was unavoidable; it felt as though an unspeakable bitterness was spreading through his heart. Yet, he did not rebuke Pei Yi. Instead, he let out a soft sigh, keeping his voice as steady as possible to prevent the child from sensing his own emotional instability. "Why not? Mommy actually misses you very much. She has been hoping you could keep her company more often."

Pei Yi looked up, his eyes flashing with confusion and helplessness as he whispered, "I don't know. I just don't want to go." His voice was low and faint, clearly reflecting the conflict and bewilderment in his heart.

"Pei Yi, if Daddy and Mommy were to get a divorce, would you be unhappy?"

Pei Qizhou watched Pei Yi, his eyes filled with a mix of anticipation and worry, as he continued his questioning. He hoped that through this, he might understand his son’s true inner thoughts.

Little Pei Yi shook his head, his brow slightly furrowed. "Daddy, what is a divorce?"

He was too young to understand the complex emotions and family upheaval hidden behind the word.

"It means... Mommy would leave us and no longer live with us," Pei Qizhou explained, trying to use simple, easy-to-understand language, his voice betraying a hint of helplessness and grief.

Pei Yi was stunned; he did not know how to respond. In his heart, there did seem to be a sense of distance from his mother, and at times, he even felt impatient with her. But the thought of her actually leaving him and leaving this home made him feel reluctant, and deep down, a sense of loss and unease stirred. He lowered his head, falling into a deep contemplation, unsure how to face this sudden reality.

Pei Qizhou gazed at his son’s complex expression and felt an indescribable ache. He knew this question was far too heavy and difficult for young Pei Yi to bear. Yet, the cruelty of reality made him understand that family upheaval was as unavoidable as a storm, and he had to prepare the child so he could better face future challenges.

He gently, almost tentatively, pulled Pei Yi into his arms, trying to offer his son a measure of solace and strength through his warm embrace. Pei Qizhou patted Pei Yi’s back softly, as if silently conveying love and support.

"Pei Yi, no matter what happens, no matter how difficult the road ahead may be, Daddy will always be by your side. I will never leave you."

Pei Qizhou’s voice was low and firm, each word heavy with affection and resolve, as he sought to instill a sense of solid security, letting Pei Yi feel the warmth and reliability of their home.

Leaning into his father’s arms and feeling that familiar, warm presence, the anxiety and fear in Pei Yi’s heart eased slightly.

He looked up, his eyes showing a trace of reliance and trust, yet unable to hide his deep worry. "Daddy, will I never see Mommy again?" Pei Yi’s voice trembled.

Pei Qizhou took a deep breath, trying to keep his tone calm. "No, that won't happen. Mommy just needs some time to adjust. Once she is better, we will see her again."

Pei Yi nodded, half-understanding. Although he remained somewhat confused, he trusted his father’s words. He hugged Pei Qizhou tightly, as if finding long-lost comfort in this warm, solid embrace—a feeling like a long-drifting ship finally finding its harbor.

Pei Qizhou gently stroked his son’s hair, the soft strands slipping through his fingers. His heart was filled with complex emotions: the tenderness of a father, memories of the past, and worries for the future.

"Go to sleep now, sweetheart." He whispered, kissing Pei Yi’s forehead tenderly, a kiss filled with endless love.

Though Pei Yi was a boy, he looked more like his mother, Yao Shan, with her shadow lingering in his features. In him, Pei Qizhou seemed to see Yao Shan’s reflection; the familiar face and expression made his heart tremble, and a flicker of indescribable tenderness—at once warm and bittersweet—flashed in his eyes.

Pei Qizhou turned slowly and left Pei Yi’s room, his footsteps heavy as he returned to his study.

He was destined to be sleepless this night. His thoughts churned like the tide, impossible to calm. He sat at his desk, the moonlight from outside filtering through the thin curtains to illuminate his face, which looked somewhat weary and weathered by time.

Pei Yi’s young, clear voice and the bewilderment in his eyes echoed constantly in his mind. He felt a mix of emotions, ranging from pity for his son to confusion over his own feelings.

In truth, he was much like Pei Yi; he had no idea what he was thinking. The inner conflict and entanglement left him feeling at a loss. His feelings for Yao Shan were equally inconsistent—at times burning like fire, at others as cold as water.

He did not want her to leave; the attachment and reluctance in his heart wrapped around him like vines, yet simultaneously, he felt an inexplicable sense of distance, as if an invisible chasm lay between them.

Pei Qizhou even felt that he was ill—a sickness of the heart that was hard to cure. The emotional entanglement had left him exhausted.