Chapter Twenty-Five: The Heartfelt Feelings of Yue Xiaoyou

Today marks the second day of our spring outing.

Yesterday afternoon, Starry and I sat beneath the shade of the trees, watching Lexie skip and dance around, gathering wildflowers. Every now and then, she’d beam at us, her smile as bright as a child’s, filling the moment with warmth. Suddenly, I wished fervently that the three of us could remain like this forever. But I never imagined that, just a day later, fate—ever fond of playing tricks—would deal me another blow, a joke that left my heart aching.

On the second evening, after dinner, Lexie approached us, her manner shy and hesitant.

“Starry, could you come with me for a moment? There’s something I’d like to talk to you about,” Lexie said.

Starry looked puzzled by her request. “Of course, but couldn’t we just talk here?”

Lexie fixed Starry with a glare. “I’ve got secrets I don’t want anyone else to know, all right? Don’t overthink it, just come with me.”

“Lilith, I’m borrowing Starry for a bit. We’ll be back soon,” Lexie said to me, her temper vanishing as she smiled.

“It’s fine, don’t worry about me. I was thinking of enjoying the moonlight alone anyway,” I replied with a smile.

“Alright, then, Lilith, we’ll be back soon,” Starry said, and before she could finish, Lexie had already whisked her away.

What did Lexie want to say to Starry? Though I tried to appear nonchalant, anxiety gnawed at me. An ominous feeling crept in; from this moment on, I sensed our trio was about to change forever.

“Miss, aren’t you going to check on them?” Anx asked, concern evident in his voice.

I shook my head gently, burying my face in my knees. I didn’t want to go, nor did I dare. If what I feared truly happened, I wouldn’t know what to do. All I could do now was to run from it.

Lexie led Starry out, the two walking quietly along the edge of the woods. Neither spoke.

At last, Starry couldn’t hold back. “Lexie, what’s the matter?”

Lexie, walking ahead, didn’t answer.

“Lexie?” Starry pressed, uncertain.

Lexie stopped. After a long pause, she asked, tentatively, “Starry, what do you think of Lilith?”

“Lilith? She’s a wonderful person,” Starry replied, confused.

Lexie sighed. “Typical Starry answer.” Then, gathering her courage, she asked, “Starry, do you like Lilith?”

The question startled Starry, who laughed, “Of course not, she’s just a friend to me.”

“Really?” Lexie’s voice sounded relieved.

“Then, do you like me?” Lexie finally voiced what she’d been holding back.

Starry was caught off guard, struggling to respond. Several times she opened her mouth, but no words came. Finally, she steadied herself and said, trembling, “Lexie, are you joking?”

“No, Starry. I like you. I’ve always liked you,” Lexie said firmly, without a trace of hesitation. “Starry, do you like me?”

“I don’t know,” Starry replied, unable to answer. “I really don’t know. I’m so confused right now. I’ve never thought about it. I can’t give you an answer.”

Lexie let out a breath, neither pressing nor showing disappointment or embarrassment. Instead, she seemed relieved. “I was just kidding earlier. You didn’t take it seriously, did you?” she said brightly.

“Lexie?” Starry was bewildered by her reaction.

“But the feelings I have for you are real. Whether you like me doesn’t really matter. Today, I just wanted to confess how I feel. As for your answer, I don’t want to hear it, so please don’t say anything.” Lexie smiled at Starry, though her smile seemed tinged with sadness. Surely, she desired an answer, but she couldn’t bear to see Starry struggle.

“Alright, don’t tell Lilith about this. Starry, just forget it ever happened,” Lexie added. “I should head back; it’s not good to keep Lilith waiting too long.” With that, Lexie turned with a carefree laugh and dashed back along the path.

“Lexie.” Starry watched her lonely figure retreat and felt a sudden pain in her chest. Perhaps, I do like her, Starry thought, then hurried after Lexie.

I looked up at the moon, trying to rein in my thoughts and soothe my aching heart. But I seemed powerless. My usual calm and composure deserted me, and I waited anxiously for Starry and Lexie to return.

“Lilith?” Lexie’s voice called.

Startled, I looked toward the sound, anticipation rising within me. Lexie’s face was all smiles, while Starry’s was heavy with worry.

“Starry, you…” I began, unable to finish.

“It’s nothing, really. I confessed to Starry, but was rejected,” Lexie said breezily.

“Lexie?” I stared at her in surprise.

“That’s it. I confessed, but didn’t get the answer I wanted. So it’s over now, it’s fine,” Lexie said with a smile.

I looked at Lexie’s cheerful face, then at Starry’s troubled expression, and wondered—was it really so simple? But what right did I have to ask? I could only tell myself that yes, perhaps it was just as she said. Yet, I could no longer tell if I was running away, or… deceiving myself.

The three of us returned to our tents without another word. A heavy atmosphere lingered between us. Was this really alright? I asked myself. But I had no courage to break the silence. I was afraid—afraid that we could never return to how things once were, afraid our friendship would shatter, afraid I could no longer remain by Starry’s side.

Late at night, lying in my tent, my mind was a tangled mess. What should I do? Lexie had done what I dared not, what I had no right to do. Yet the answer I once hoped for, I now dreaded.

“Miss.” Anx sighed softly beside me.

“I’m fine, Anx, just… my heart is a mess,” I replied. But for some reason, my nose stung, and a cold drop slid from my eye. Was I crying again? I laughed at myself, surprised at my own weakness—that such a small thing could make me shed tears. Where had the strong Lilith gone, where had the proud Lilith gone?

If Starry had accepted Lexie’s confession, Starry would have found happiness. I should have been glad; wasn’t this what I’d always hoped for? But why, why did I not want to see that outcome? I’m becoming strange. Mother, what should I do? I stroked the ring my mother left me, hanging from my neck, silently asking her again and again.