Take them all off.

Chapter Title: 034—Let Them All Strip

Those still busy picking their jaws up off the floor promptly abandoned the effort, turning in unison to look over: Was this little monk really implying he’d undress in public? Even if they lost their jaws, they couldn’t miss this. Though they were clueless about the underlying intrigue, one thing was certain: once those clothes came off, they’d know at a glance whether the monk was male or female!

The magistrate, pinned beneath Fang Rulai, no longer struggled. His gaze was already fixed on Fang Rulai’s chest, eager to confirm his suspicions, yet his mind was racing ahead to contingency plans. If this monk really was, as he and Sanfengzi suspected, a woman in disguise, how could she possibly have the nerve to disrobe here before everyone? Did that mean their assumptions had been wrong all along?

Sanfengzi, who had just crashed into a pillar and was about to get up, forgot even to rise. Tilting his head, he stared over as well. When the third brother died, he was ninety percent sure the monk was a woman in disguise. After the sudden disappearance of the little maid, he was utterly convinced. But now the monk was undressing before the crowd, seemingly unfazed—why?

In that instant, every gaze was drawn to Fang Rulai’s hands. As her hands inched toward her robe’s front, so too did all eyes follow, inch by inch.

Fang Rulai seemed entirely unbothered. Her hands reached the front of her robe and, without hesitation, she yanked open the collar with a swift motion. White inner garments came into view, her chest flat as a board.

A man! The jaw-dropping crowd resumed their jaw-picking—see, no one in their right mind would pretend to be a monk, let alone a young maiden!

The magistrate’s heart missed a beat, though his eyes never left the scene: he needed to see actual flesh to be completely certain.

Sanfengzi’s eyes twitched; something felt off…

Fang Rulai met the magistrate’s still-hopeful gaze, mocking him. “Sir, even now you’re not giving up? What, must I show actual flesh to satisfy you?”

From the crowd, someone called out, “How depraved can you be?” Prompting many to nod in silent agreement.

“Fine! I’ll show you flesh!” Fang Rulai bellowed, and the people, once again, snapped their heads around, eager—if there’s flesh to be seen, so be it, let’s all be depraved together.

But just as they turned, a brilliant red bridal veil descended from above. While everyone was still stupefied, Guan Shiyin’s almost-shrill voice resounded through the hall.

“My husband’s flesh is for my eyes alone—anyone else who dares look, I’ll blind with gold!”

The crowd’s eyes widened further—tycoon, hurry up and blind me with gold!

Unfortunately, they could see nothing at all now. Guan Shiyin’s knee-length veil had already enveloped Fang Rulai’s upper body.

The magistrate was stunned by the veil, which was large enough to cover two people with room to spare. He thought, How is this Miss Guan always so quick, and so silent?

From within the veil, an argument broke out.

“Lady, please have some self-respect. This humble monk never promised to be your husband.”

“I don’t care. You caught my embroidered ball, you drew my poison—you are my husband.”

“You! Fine, this can be discussed later! Take the veil off, I have important matters to attend to.”

“What important matters could you have? Isn’t it just proving you’re a man? No need to undress—all you have to…”

The argument was abruptly cut off. The onlookers, ears straining, saw Fang Rulai’s body suddenly rise, and the magistrate’s body, like a turtle, was flipped over.

What was happening?

Sit!

With the magistrate sprawled beneath, Fang Rulai sat down hard. A faint crack sounded; some present could almost hear the snap of breaking ribs.

The kind-hearted closed their eyes in sympathy, recalling how, just now, as Fang Rulai sat, the magistrate’s head and feet had jerked up and then slammed down… With his coffin-plank build, that had to be excruciating…

Yet the magistrate, now properly sat upon, hardly noticed the pain—his mind had seized on a different sensation. The only part of his body with any flesh, right at his lower back, was being jabbed, hard, by something fierce and unyielding!

A man! The magistrate’s face shifted through several shades: This monk is a man. Did that mean he and Sanfengzi had been wrong from the start? If their plan was built on a false premise, then everything that followed was doomed.

Panic rising, the magistrate forgot his awkward, compromising position and instinctively turned to look for Sanfengzi, the scribe in disguise. But scanning the hall, he saw Sanfengzi crawling, as stealthily as possible, toward the back door.

Was he trying to ditch him and escape alone? The magistrate’s first reaction was anger—he wanted to call out, but the words died in his throat. On second thought, maybe it was for the best. If Sanfengzi fled, he wouldn’t be dragged up as the Taoist abbot—if he couldn’t be produced, that would be harder to handle.

Resolved, the magistrate quickly turned his head back and silently urged the man to hurry.

But once again, his calculations were off.

Just as he looked away, a clear child’s voice rang out in the hall.

“Abbot, why is Scribe dressed like those Taoist priests?”

The innocent little Jie Rou, with one hand lifting the scribe’s hem and a voice full of natural, clueless curiosity.

Immediately, all eyes in the hall snapped toward the inner chamber. Some were so eager that, twisting their necks too quickly, they nearly cricked them. No matter—they pressed one hand to their neck, used the other to turn their jaw, and stared straight at the source of the voice. The implications of that question were enormous! If the magistrate had slandered him, and the scribe was actually a Taoist, then what did that say about the case?

Realizing the danger, Sanfengzi yanked down his hem to cover himself, then lashed out with a kick at little Jie Rou, who was still crouched at his feet. “You little monk, what nonsense are you spouting!”

“If it’s nonsense, why kick him?” Jie Tang snatched Jie Rou away and retorted, “If it’s not nonsense, do you dare strip and prove it?”

Jie Tang and the others chimed in, “Our abbot was willing to undress before everyone to prove himself—dare you, the great scribe, do the same? You don’t even need to strip completely—just take off your outer robe and everything will be clear!”

At some point, Fang Rulai had slipped free from Guan Shiyin’s red veil and now advanced toward the scribe. “First, a monk does not lie. Second, even if children boast, they only make up wild stories—like eating a bun as big as the sky. They wouldn’t make up something as important as why you’re wearing Taoist robes!”

The crowd nodded in agreement—a six-year-old might make up tall tales, but would never invent a clue so vital to the case!

“Strip!” someone shouted, and soon the hall was filled with cries of, “Strip!”

This time, it was not curiosity about the monk’s body that drove them, but excitement—and outrage—over the case’s hidden truths.

If the monk stripped, the magistrate’s slander would be proven. But if the scribe stripped, and with everyone believing a child wouldn’t lie…

“Strip!”

Thank you to dear Manman! ^_$, Fengyun191, and Smelly Egg Haha for your encouragement! Merry Christmas, everyone~

Though to be honest, I don’t know what extra benefits Christmas brings to us here in the Celestial Empire. No days off, no parties—just endless sales and free shipping… Clearly a holiday made for the rich to go shopping! So, with great sorrow, I declare: Rich folks, please take me along when you shop! I also offer complimentary services: bag-carrying, standing in checkout lines, and grabbing lunch tables! By the way, would you mind gifting me those free trinkets you get with your purchases?

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