004 The Widow’s Heart, the Maiden’s Body

Chapter Title: 004 The Widow’s Heart, a Virgin’s Body

On the third day of the third month, the peach blossoms flourished, the radishes gained value, and the mushrooms wilted.

Bald mushrooms.

Outside the capital of Shengjing, beneath a secluded earthen wall, seven bald heads crouched on the ground, pretending to be mushrooms.

The youngest, no more than six, clutched a pair of muddy ancestral tablets, eyes brimming with tears. “Abbot, does that mean there will be no braised pork today?”

If the task wasn’t done, the incense offerings wouldn’t come; without offerings, what would they use to buy braised pork?

The oldest "mushroom," Fang Rulai, gazed into the distance, thinking: if only he could cook that perverse tycoon who knows his secret into braised pork and swallow them in one bite.

The second oldest mushroom slapped the youngest on the head. “Meat! Meat! All you ever think about is meat! You’re named Abstain-from-Meat, not Greedy-for-Meat, so why are you always craving meat?”

“Ow, that hurts!” Little Abstain-from-Meat rubbed his head indignantly but bore no grudge against his heavy-handed senior brother Jietang. Still, he looked to Fang Rulai. “Abbot, is there really no way to have braised pork today?”

A way? Fang Rulai scratched his head. What method could turn that tycoon back into a woman? Then not only could he avoid marrying, he might make friends with her and earn meat.

Jietang glanced at the man furiously scratching his bald head, then spoke up again. “Actually, there is a way.”

“What way?” This time, not only did Little Abstain-from-Meat’s face light up with hope, but even the other four brothers grew excited. After finally getting to enjoy meat, if someone snatched it away now, they’d rather die.

Fang Rulai straightened his back, halting his anxious scratching. “Jietang, speak!”

Jietang’s voice turned eerily melodramatic. “It’s simple. Abbot weds a wife, and we return to secular life.”

In that case, not only braised pork, but chicken, duck, fish, even swan—wouldn’t they all feast every day?

Instantly, six pairs of longing eyes shone upon Fang Rulai. “Abbot, let’s do this, for the sake of our braised pork.”

“No!” Fang Rulai refused outright.

“Why not?” Little Abstain-from-Meat’s tears were on the verge of spilling.

“Because…” She’s a woman, and that tycoon’s a man; even if she wanted to marry, she couldn’t. But this couldn’t be said aloud. Fang Rulai looked at the six children before him, the oldest no more than twelve, drew a deep breath, then declared with deep emotion, “Am I to sacrifice my lifetime for a mere meal of braised pork?”

“That’s not…” Little Abstain-from-Meat’s voice was choked with sobs.

Fang Rulai reached out to comfort his little bald head, but before he could, the child went on, “…Abbot, you could trade your whole life for braised pork.”

Uh! Fang Rulai’s gentle hand nearly twisted into a death grip.

A burst of arrogant laughter erupted from behind the earthen wall.

“Who’s there?” Fang Rulai’s expression shifted instantly.

Looking up, the first thing to appear atop the wall was a blood-dripping butcher’s knife.

“Ah, Sister Xi Shi!” Fang Rulai’s face lit up like a peach blossom. “The third day of the third month truly brings peach blossom luck. Even a casual stroll brings me to the renowned beauty, Sister Xi Shi of Yao Heaven.”

Atop the wall, the pig-slaughtering widow Zhu Xi Shi rolled her eyes extravagantly. “Monk, you’re standing just outside my back wall, you know.”

“Oh, am I?” Fang Rulai feigned sudden realization. “It must be that Sister Xi Shi is so dazzling today that I forgot where I was.”

Zhu Xi Shi planted a hand on her hip and brandished the cleaver in the air. Blood splattered her face, but she wiped it away without care, resuming her pose. “Dazzling?”

Little Abstain-from-Meat shuddered in fright.

Fang Rulai pressed his palms together and bowed deeply. “Amitabha, Benefactress, you should be called a goddess.”

Zhu Xi Shi burst into peals of laughter once more.

Led by Jietang, the six little monks retreated three steps, finding a blood-smeared, knife-wielding woman’s laughter truly terrifying.

“Enough, I’ve had my laugh,” Zhu Xi Shi said, catching her breath. “Wait a moment, I’ll come with you.”

As Zhu Xi Shi turned, Fang Rulai quickly called after her, “What about the braised pork for today?”

“You!” Zhu Xi Shi spun back, furious.

Fang Rulai pressed his palms together, bowing again. “Amitabha, goddess, merciful and compassionate, saving all beings…”

A bundle hurtled through the air toward Fang Rulai.

Jietang leapt forward and caught it. Before he could check, Little Abstain-from-Meat pounced. “Braised pork!”

A jar of warm braised pork.

As Little Abstain-from-Meat seized the pork, Jietang eyed Fang Rulai warily. “Abbot, what did she mean by that?” What did “come with you” imply?

Fang Rulai picked up the ancestral tablets Little Abstain-from-Meat had dropped. “Did I not mention? This,” he pointed to the male tablet, “is Sister Xi Shi’s late husband.”

Without Zhu Xi Shi as an intermediary, he probably wouldn’t even get through the door of that sharp-tongued, reclusive old lady.

Seeing the little monks’ spirits lift, Fang Rulai instructed, “Jietang, take everyone back to Lotus Sutra Temple.”

“What about you?”

“I haven’t finished my business today. Out of courtesy, I must go pay my respects.”

“Then let Jie Tang take everyone back, I’ll go with you.”

“No. The back mountain hasn’t been safe lately. I don’t trust only Jie Tang to look after everyone.”

“But…” Jietang hesitated.

Fang Rulai turned and walked away. “Enough, just remember to leave the door unlocked for me tonight.”

“Abbot!” Jietang called after him.

Without looking back, Fang Rulai waved. “And save me some braised pork!”

At the crossroads ahead, Zhu Xi Shi was already waiting, her face freshly washed. Seeing Fang Rulai catch up, she smiled. “Jietang wasn’t wrong. If you got married, it wouldn’t just be braised pork—you’d have every meat you could think of.”

Fang Rulai wasn’t surprised she’d heard. Word always traveled faster than feet. “Then why, with your widow’s heart and a virgin’s body, would you rather slaughter pigs than remarry and enjoy a peaceful life? With your reverse-aging grace—twenty last year, eighteen this year—you could easily marry into a good family or a wealthy merchant.”

“And spend my days tiptoeing around, watching faces at every meal, every chore?” Zhu Xi Shi snorted coldly. “Please. I’d rather deal with pigs. Raise them when I want, slaughter them when I want, my rules—so much freedom!”

“Indeed,” Fang Rulai extended his hand. “Great minds think alike.” The moment called for a handshake.

Zhu Xi Shi stared at the outstretched hand, momentarily stunned. “What do you mean?”

Fang Rulai paused, then extended it further. “I mean, we need to hurry, or we won’t make it out the city gate before curfew.”

“Tch, got it.” Zhu Xi Shi strode off with such long strides that Fang Rulai was left behind. She didn’t see the silent way he withdrew his offered hand.

They stuck to the quietest alleys and soon reached the back gate of a grand residence.

Fang Rulai stopped. “I’ve come sincerely to apologize. Is it really appropriate not to use the front door?”

Zhu Xi Shi, familiar with the place, slipped inside. “Come on, with my mother-in-law’s temper, you’d get chased off with a broom the moment you knocked, having failed in your task.”

“Er, fair point.” Agreeing, Fang Rulai tiptoed after her, imitating her stealth, but soon paused. “Sister Xi Shi, don’t you sense something odd?”

“What?”

Fang Rulai sniffed the air. “This fishy smell…”

“Fishy smell? Isn’t that just me, fresh from butchering… No, wait!” Suddenly, Zhu Xi Shi cried out, “Mother!” and dashed toward the front yard.

No matter how strong the scent of pig’s blood on her, it could never fill the whole courtyard!

Hey, the abbot is the heroine—how’s that for a twist?

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