Chapter 009: Little Bottom Was Seen by Someone

Chapter Title: 009 Little Bottom Was Seen

Jietang pondered that the perverted tycoon with a penchant for cross-dressing, judging by his recent move of buying a hundred baskets of carrots at once, must be in a hurry to marry the monk. If they had not immediately treated him as their patron, why would he have rushed to the temple so quickly to investigate?

Suddenly, Jietang put down the razor-sharp carrot slices in his hand. That pervert had saved the abbot’s life, and if he were accidentally harmed…

Jietang turned and picked out the two largest chunks of ice from the pile, then found the thinnest, sharpest carrot slice. After wrapping them carefully, he placed them at the trap’s trigger with utmost caution. This way, if the man happened to be unlucky enough to get caught, Jietang assured he would die painlessly, out of gratitude. Amitabha!

Little Jie Rou thought, surely the senior monks were also eager to eat blood tofu, or how could they smile so bloodthirstily, just like him? Ah, recalling the last time the trap caught a wild boar, Second Brother Jietang used its blood to make scallion stir-fried blood tofu, and it was so delicious that it lingered in memory.

Swallowing, Little Jie Rou started looking for a shovel to dig a trench under the wall by the door. Blood tofu, blood tofu—he wanted to line the trench with sharp ice spikes so when blood flowed and meat got stuck, the tofu wouldn’t get dirty.

Fang Rulai thought, the mastermind would likely realize before dawn that all plans had failed, and next would surely plot something even more vicious. But relying on that demon as a patron was absolutely out of the question, so it would be just the seven little monks in the temple, including herself?

This puzzle was not easy. Fang Rulai turned and pulled Jietang into the kitchen to stoke the fire and stew meat soup.

As someone who spent eighteen hours a day solving math problems in her previous life, and the other six hours dreaming about them, she was acutely aware: when a problem becomes difficult, the first priority is to eat and drink well. With proper blood flow to the brain, one can calcify and defeat monsters and bosses.

That night, the little monks kept busy until dawn before finally going to sleep.

Fang Rulai said, since no one comes to the temple for incense anyway, everyone can sleep as they please, for as long as they like. Better to get a full rest before the potential nighttime assault arrives.

Unfortunately, Fang Rulai forgot that the trouble she stirred up yesterday wasn't limited to framing and slander but also included her public assault on the kingdom's richest tycoon.

Though everyone preferred to believe Fang Rulai was a high monk forced to break the precept for the sake of saving lives, with no intention of returning to secular life, the resolute declaration by Lady Guan, who insisted on marrying, made them cruelly aware that their dreams of wealth under the shining bald head had likely been shattered yesterday.

Fine, let it be shattered. Just accept that fate. But that little monk’s luck is simply too great. Could it be from years of offering incense to Buddha? Alright, let’s try that too. Ha, and maybe sneak a look at the little bald head that made Lady Guan so determined to marry—what kind of awe-inspiring appearance could he possibly have?

So, early in the morning, Yin Chunzhi brought eight chambermaids to kneel before the Goddess of Birth. Yin Chunzhi said, don’t say I don’t care for you all—here’s your chance. Whoever manages to pray for a child will become the youngest daughter-in-law in the Prefect’s family.

Fu Daguai supported his elderly mother to the temple; she recited sutras while he knelt before Buddha, sincerely praying for wealth. He worked tirelessly to make his family’s name surpass Guan’s silk empire, but why was his luck still no match for a mere little monk?

Merchants, laborers, brothel boys, even beggars and ruffians came, asking for wives, for sponsors, for leftovers surpassing spoiled food, for lone travelers not to escape their robbery.

After yesterday’s carrot craze in Shengjing, today, all the temple’s blessed incense was sold out within half a day.

Fang Rulai awoke amid increasingly loud cries of, “Abbot, come out, bring us blessed incense!”

With bloodshot eyes still lingering, she saw Little Jie Rou standing at her bedside, tears streaming and clutching his pants. “Abbot, someone saw my little bottom!”

The abbot had always said the flesh under the vest and underpants shouldn’t be shown to others, and he always remembered. But who would’ve thought someone would barge in while he was squatting in the privy?

“Abbot, I don’t want to live anymore!” Little Jie Rou cried so miserably. A few years older and he’d have acted like a maiden robbed of her chastity.

Fang Rulai wiped sleep from her eyes, flicked it to the floor, and stomped like extinguishing a cigarette. “Who?” Had the assassins abandoned murder for indecency?

“I don’t know, he ran too fast for me to see clearly,” Little Jie Rou sobbed.

“Huh?” Are the ruffians getting classy? Just looking, not touching? Fang Rulai paused, barefoot, about to rush outside. “He just ran off without doing anything?”

“Mm, he grabbed the incense at the privy door and ran.”

“Incense?” Fang Rulai was even more puzzled.

“Yes, incense,” came Jietang’s voice from the half-open door, “and not just the privy’s incense—even the old abbot’s decades-old blessed incense, covered in mold, is all gone.”

“Really?” Fang Rulai flung open the door, her smile stretching almost to her ears. “Someone came to offer incense? We’re finally popular?”

Jietang turned at the sound, about to speak but froze.

Fang Rulai, freshly awakened, her delicate face still marked by traces of drool, dressed without monk’s beads or robes, her natural feminine beauty instantly stood out. Jietang’s gaze involuntarily traced from her elegant brows and clear eyes, over her plump cheeks, down to her loosened collar and delicate collarbone.

Gulp—Jietang’s swallow sounded like a drumbeat.

Little Jie Rou immediately pulled out a steamed bun from his arms. “Senior brother, are you hungry? Here, you can have this!”

Jietang’s face went bright red. He snatched the bun from Little Jie Rou and tossed it aside. “How many times have I told you, don’t eat while squatting in the privy!”

“I didn’t eat this time,” Little Jie Rou’s eyes followed the bun. “I was saving it to eat after I finished.”

“That’s still not allowed.” Jietang felt his head was as big as a basket of carrots. “Didn’t the abbot tell you, the privy’s full of whatever bacteria makes you get diarrhea… what was it called?”

Jietang wanted to ask Fang Rulai, but turning around, he found she was gone from the doorframe. Searching around, he saw her in the inner room, putting on monastic robes.

Jietang hurriedly turned his back and closed the door. “Abbot, what are you doing?”

Fang Rulai quickly donned her robes and beads, then dashed out. “Going to the main hall, of course! Now that we’re popular, now that business is booming, we have to make the most of it…”

Jietang grabbed her arm. “You can’t go!”

“Huh? Why not?”

“Do you know who’s come?” Jietang’s face turned grim. “It’s almost exactly the same crowd as yesterday’s matchmaking scene.”

“So what?”

“So what!” Jietang was almost beside himself with anger. “Even the dim-witted Jie Rou knows those people look at us like monkeys, and it’s uncomfortable, which is why he hid in the privy. Do you think showing up as the biggest ‘monkey’ will do you any good?”

To Jietang, those leering gazes were nothing short of visual insult.

Unexpectedly, Fang Rulai burst out laughing after hearing him. “If they think spending money is the ticket price to see me, then I can only earnestly advise them—please, come every day!”

With that, Fang Rulai shook off Jietang’s hand and strode forward.

Ha, how can buying incense be enough for worship? She had deluxe, elegant, and simple worship packages of all levels and versions! Dear customers, the second one is half price!

Many thanks to the friends who sent gifts to Qingye on November 29: Morning Sun Dew, Shrimp Grain’s Potter, Stinky Egg Haha, Never Rains for a Lifetime, 2568751845, White Hair in Red Robes (no particular order).

Qingye truly received everyone’s heartfelt tokens; please don’t chase the rankings too much. Honestly, that’s all built by piles of golden RMB. Qingye feels a bit guilty~

If you enjoy the story, just introduce another friend to read. Qingye always checks the comments, so feel free to stop by (empty-handed is fine), and Qingye will be filled with positive writing energy.

Thanks again! Special thanks to White Hair in Red Robes, who has promoted Qingye’s work so much despite barely speaking—must be tired, right? Rest well~ The road is long, but we’ll walk it step by step.

Additionally: At 3 p.m., we’ll hold an awards ceremony for Red Robes. All are welcome to come and watch!

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